im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
