Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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