it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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