if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sorry about my life...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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