How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
