sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize