is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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