never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
