you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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