It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
