if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i now understand why vodka
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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