Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
His hands were made for my vagina.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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