I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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