highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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