His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
