But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
