I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
