I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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