Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
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Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.