If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
