That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
