Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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