some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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