Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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