i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I faked an abortion last night.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
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She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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