so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
