So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
