i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
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I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize