That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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