1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
