Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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