He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
