My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
