The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
