Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
