I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
