Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
