At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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