I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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