i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
