someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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