I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
