I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
