he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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