I will die if light touches me.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
