I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
