You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just want nice things and good sex
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
