so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Also, beer. Big fan.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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