So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
