Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
