do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
