You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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