Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
