so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
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Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
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come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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