if you like me you must not know who I am
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
