i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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