Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
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