i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
