Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
