You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
